Finding My Way Back To Me

[quantumcupcakes]

In the continuing saga of Sam regaining her mental health and stability, today I had something of an epiphany. While coming out of the fog and feeling like I'm finding my way back to myself. And I realised that I'm still myself. I'm still me and that even though I've lost someone who was so important in shaping the woman I am, it doesn't make me any less myself.

I'm still a bisexual polyamorous Dominant. I still love Jack and Lucy. I'm still a wife and a girlfriend, a daughter, a sister, and a twin. I'm still an aunt and a step-mum.

I'm still a geek. I still love to bake. I still love rugby and chess and dancing and kaleidoscopes and thunderstorms and floral dresses and big stompy boots and leather jackets and 80s pop music and science-fiction and superheroes and chick-lit. I'm still fascinated by astrophysics, space exploration, engineering, and mechanics - and you should have heard my excitement over that picture of the black hole.

I went running today for the first time this year. I've lost a lot of my fitness, sadly but I'm determined to get it back. I did no more than three-quarters of a mile, running for a minute and walking for two and I'd forgotten how meditative it is; focusing on breathing, the rhythm of my feet hitting the pavement.

However, it caused me to fail my 'week without complaining' - I whined at Lucy about my legs being sore. So we start again tomorrow, back at day one.

Comments

[ldybastet]

That's a great realization! I had a similar the other week, when I felt like I could recognize myself, the feeling of being me, from way back, before psycho ex bf and the following years of drama and financial ruin. And it was good, and I realized that "this me" is still inside me. It's just other things (chaos, stress, fear, insecurity, depression, etc.) hiding it and I'm still myself. :) I'd say it's a good start to finding one's way back. *offers hugs*

[quantumcupcakes]

Thank you :) And I'm so pleased to hear that you're having the same emergence and rediscovery of yourself. I hope it continues for both of us to find our ways back