the universe is in us

I hadn't realised how much I'd missed social media and blogging until this weekend. I got an email notification that someone had subscribed to kinkyandpoly and found myself logging in to Dreamwidth for the first time in far too long. I then updated and read our friends page, and talked to people I haven't spoken to all which which was absolutely lovely!

Then I managed to set up a kinkygeekypoly twitter and a kinkyandpoly tumblr which are easier to update using the apps on my phone and tablet.

I will easily admit that I had completely forgotten all about this place which is a shame because blogging is so good for my mental health, having an outlet that isn't Jack or Lucy. And God knows we've all needed any/everything that's good for us this year.

So hello Dreamwidth friends, hope you're all as well as can be in the current state of things.

We almost lost Jack back in May, he caught COVID-19 and was in hospital for just under 3 weeks, some of the worst weeks in my life not being able to be with him. He wasn't ventilated, although it was touch and go, but he was very poorly with pneumonia and breathing issues. He's home, he's mostly ok, he lost a lot of weight and he's still finding he gets short of breath and dealing with fatigue but he's alive and he's ok.

It's bizarre, because Lucy and I also had positive test results but we all had completely different symptoms. Lucy was asymptomatic. I just felt like I had a pretty bad flu but it only lasted 4 or 5 days. I'm looking forward to when we know much more about this virus and the disease it causes to understand this. I'm also being amazed at how fast science is learning about it, because science generally doesn't happen this fast!

Partially as a result of that, I ended up quitting my job at the university at the end of the last school year. I do miss it, and they're doing some amazing CMB research at the moment that I desperately want to be part of but 2020 has made me realise how old Jack is, made me wake up to his (to all of our) mortality. He's 16 years older than me, he's not far off 70 and I don't want to waste or miss any more time with him or Lucy. Jack, of course, keeps telling me he's fine, he's not planning on dying any time soon and that I should to play with the 'big space toys', especially as they're advertising for research positions. But for now, I'm semi-(early)retired and doing distance tutoring.

I think I survived the first day back in school. I'm not entirely sure my brain has. Remind me again what stars are?

And exams start next week so there's lot of panicking students which, truth be told, are a little bit exhausting. Why do they wait til now to realise they've got info gaps from work covered in November, or that they didn't understand something we studied in October?

I try to be patient with them though because I do remember what it was like to be a student, I know what it's like to have paper/research deadlines suddenly creep up you and tackle you to the ground.
I try to help them, and reassure them. I try to coach them and guide them. I want them to succeed.

One trick I learned many years ago to boost their confidence when they're stressing is to give them a compliment. It has to sincere though - teenagers/young adults are terrifyingly adept at spotting an insincerity. I wish they could teach me how! But a genuine "You make a really good point about..." or an "I love your shirt" or "your hair looks cute that colour" brightens them up and almost fortifies them. And it spreads and suddenly everyone feels better - including me.

It's so easy to do, and lets face it, most people like receiving a compliment. It does give us a boost and it makes me smile - both giving and receiving

I managed to finish all the grading early afternoon yesterday and got to spend the evening watching Doctor Who with Jack and Lucy, before an early night. I got all the grades posted onto the system by lunchtime today.

I've gone through all my notifications and my inbox is zero. I think I'm getting the hang of the commenting thing. Sometimes I still feel a bit awkward and over-think what I'm saying but I suspect this is mostly going to be an experience/practice thing and it'll get easier the more I do it. That's what I'm hoping at least.

Now all I have to do is catch up on my reading page. Wish me luck?

Following on from my Spotify stats, my Godreads Year In Review figures have also been posted and look a little like:

I would have liked a breakdown of the genres and authors that I read the most as well - does anyone who uses Goodreads know if I can find this information at all?

And I know a lot of my new friends have mentioned they are interested in the poly and BDSM aspects of my life so if there's anything you'd like to ask me about that, please do

I don't think I'm going to be escaping my study much - if at all - this weekend. I finished this week with all the grading to do. A couple of hundred worksheets, 70 or so reports and 70 or so exams (mixed multiple choice and short answer).

Send coffee and donuts. And Jason Momoa. And more pens, mine just ran out.

Right now, I'm not sure I know the difference between a terrestrial planet and a gas giant anymore.

And then I realise there are finals for two courses next week.

Which is why it's gone 11pm on a Friday night and I'm still sitting at the computer. Although, I'm now winding down, checking my emails and coming on to see how much more I'm missing on Dreamwidth. So much for getting caught up this weekend, and I wanted to post a review of the book I finished today. But it's nearly Christmas break. Just one more week to go!

Dear Dreamwidth, my name's Samantha and I am terrible at putting myself in another's shoes, at seeing things from another perspective. I always have been and suspect I always shall be. I'm a very stubborn woman and try as I might, it's not one of my strengths. For that, I apologise

One of my favourite, most-promising, students came to see me today to give me the sad news that she's dropping out and not continuing on into her second year. Not any of her courses, she's dropping out of university completely. I found this disappointing and surprising considering how bright, driven and enthusiastic I've found her when I've taught her this year.

Her reason for dropping out surprised me even more. She's getting married to her boyfriend and would rather stay at home, get pregnant, raise a family and keep home than continue with her studies. I have nothing against women who choose that path for their life. After all, my Lucy is a home-maker and she does thoroughly enjoy it. What I don't understand is why she feels she has to do it now.

She's just turned 20 and she's a third of a way through her BSc and I honestly can't fathom why she doesn't want to continue. She's told me she does enjoy her studies so I fail to see why she can't get married over the summer, then return to university in September and start her second year. She could start a family once she finished school in two years time. I'm genuinely disappointed for her but ultimately it's her decision. I hope she does return to the physics field later in her life.

I have to admit, part of me wants to tell her she's too young to get married and settled down, that she doesn't know what love is, that she hasn't met enough people to fully grasp her feelings, that she needs to live her life and find out who she is and what she wants.

But then I realise I'm starting to both sound not only old but like my father!

On a personal note, I can't fathom getting married that young. I think about the people I dated in my late teens/early twenties, who I dated in university. The people I thought I was in love with but when I look back, I can't imagine still being with them. I didn't know what love was, I thought I knew but then I met Jack. I didn't even meet Jack until I was 29 and it was another 7 years before we married but meeting him made me realise what love was - it wasn't about wanting him in my life, it's about not being able to imagine my life without him.