the universe is in us

Happy Easter and Happy Purim to those who celebrate

The less said about the Rugby last night the better! Cardiff lost 20-15 to Munster, and Wales lost 46-10 to England in the Women's Six Nations. Jack, predictably, gloated about it (why did I marry an Englishman?) and so, naturally, I spanked his ass for it. Even though I know after all these years that he does it on purpose to goad me into spanking him - the man does love a spanking after all - and I know I could deny him because of it, but I enjoy doling it out almost as much and so it works every single time. If I thought there was any malice in his teasing when Wales lose, it would be a very different story

It's been a fairly typical weekend in our household, with extra bonus chocolate due to the holiday. Sundays have always been family day, and today was no different. Jack took the dogs out for a walk, came back with Easter Eggs for us all while Lucy and I made a fry up. I spent the rest of the morning poking around Threads and Instagram, and learning to use Canva - I think I'm getting the hang of them but only time will tell.

Then as is typical for us for a Sunday afternoon, we indulged in some BDSM fun for the afternoon. Even now a few hours later, Jack & Lucy both vibrating toys in place that I have a remote control for!

I also pulled together my TBR for April. I'm being a little ambitious with 10 books, I usually average 6 or 7 books a month but this gives me a good selection to choose from and even a couple of genres I don't usually read!
Alexandria Bellefleur - The Fiancée Farce
Arthur C Clarke - 2001: A Space Odyssey
Brian Cox - Black Holes
Parasite - Mira Grant
Holly Hepburn - The Missing Maid
Nicholas Spencer - Magisteria
JRR Tolkien - The Hobbit
HG Wells - The Time Machine
Jaimie Admans - The Chateau of Happily Ever Afters
Isaac Asimov - I, Robot

Usually Lucy cooks for us, but this morning I got up before both Jack & Lucy (no mean feat for me on a day off, and Jack is a notoriously early riser) and I made them breakfast in bed. A proper Full English fry up - bacon, fried eggs, fried tomatoes, fried mushrooms, fried bread, baked beans, and sausages - as well as coffee and orange juice.

We had quite the lazy morning in bed, although 'lazy' isn't necessarily the right term, if you follow my meaning 😉 Relevant icon is relevant!

After a light lunch, we took the dogs out for a long walk before going to see The Rise Of Skywalker for the third time. And that's a movie that gets better with every viewing. I managed not to cry this time around as well.

I got used to days like this while I was off work last year and I really do enjoy spending all my time with Jack and Lucy. Part of me is still very very tempted to retire early so I can spend more time with them while we're all still young enough... but I'd miss my kids, I'd miss teaching.

Tuesdays are always a busy day in our household, and today was no exception.

Jack goes to a 'men's group' called The Dusty Shed. It's a men's over 50's group and they do practical things like woodworking, metalworking, electronics, burning fingers with solder, model making. He's been going for a couple of months and I know he really enjoys connecting with other men his age.

Lucy goes to a schizophrenia group, it's not a therapy thing but a 'self-help' group - sometimes they talk, sometimes they do social activities like bowling... note to self, this is changing to a Monday in May at a later time and a different location, you need to update the calendar.

I go to a bereavement group - it's nice to be able to talk to other people going through the same thing as you, to realise that what you're feeling is perfectly normal. It also helps to not feel like I'm offloading everything on Jack or Lucy. A bit like Lucy's group - it's everything from coffee and cake and someone to talk to, and sometimes we go walking or bowling.

I tried to continue yesterdays theme of saying positive things to people, and one of the younger girls in the group had cut her hair very short and dyed it a beautiful emerald green colour. I told her how nice it looked, how the cut really framed her face and she lit up - she actually started crying and hugged me, and of course, that made me cry.

We talked a lot about strengths and weaknesses, and I found it interesting how we could all really easily identify what we thought were our weaknesses but struggled with our strengths. I don't know how much of this is bereavement/depression vs social conditioning that, especially as a woman, we're told that we shouldn't be strong and celebrate ourselves. Fuck that. I'm organised, I'm efficient, I'm an analytical thinker and a creative problem solver. Jack just looked over my shoulder, read what I'm writing and says I'm a damn good kisser. I'm passionate, caring and easily excited.

I then spent the afternoon helping Jack finally set up the tablet I got him for Christmas - playing around in the app store, finding new things for him to play with. He's also updated his dreamwidth (jackjanderson) for the first time this year and is slowly working his way through his long-abandoned email account. He's got it down from something like 1100 to under 500. I'm hoping he's going to get back into blogging - not for me to read (though I do) but because I know he was enjoying connecting with people online. Like I said earlier, he's a social creature, my husband.

We're now all curled up on the couch - cats included - and watched some Doctor Who on Netflix. I'm pretty exhausted, mentally and emotionally, so I'm thinking I'm going to head to an early bed.

A week without complaining
This is going well. I am so pleased that I have been able to pull my head in, and focus on just getting on with stuff... and not complaining. What does it achieve? So far, so good - and I'm more than halfway through.

It's been a very relaxed Saturday here. It's felt very Sundayesque, possibly the whole 'long Easter weekend' effect but since we're all off work, all the days are basically fading into one blur. Sometimes that's good and sometimes that's bad.

I've mostly spent today bumming around on social media. I've fallen into youtube and some Discord channels and joined in some conversations on Twitter.

Jack's been watching the snooker on TV - I don't get that at all. I love sport but snooker. And watching snooker? Oh well, he's been happy and that's what matters

Lucy locked herself in the kitchen and has been making Easter Eggs. She's made a variety of dark, milk and white chocolate eggs and different fillings and taken over something like 3/4 of the fridge. Jack & I have been banned from looking! I'm excited to see what she's made us tomorrow.

I found a notebook I'd started setting up a 2019 bullet journal in and I've been thinking about continuing with it. I love the idea of it and want to give it a go. One of the things I've written in there - and forgotten about in all the furore - were my 2019 resolutions -
Learn how to eat using chopsticks
Start spending more time together as a family
Stop spending so much time staring idly at a screen
Take a vacation to Italy
Find happiness in the small things
Try to be more patient and understand
Be more present
I actually really like those and have actually been trying to incorporate a lot of these into my life anyway - spending more time together, finding happiness, being more present. I think I chose very well.

Speaking of 'finding happiness in the small things', I've had a few of those moments today
-an afternoon nap with Lucy (I didn't get much sleep (Lucy did) but kissing and cuddling with her is always fun
-in a twitter chat about books/authors, I mentioned loving Cecilia Ahern's books, the sense of whimsey and otherworldliness and sparkle... and she favourited the quote
-Jack fired up the grill this evening and we had steak, baked potatoes, macaroni cheese and steam vegetables sitting on the patio watching the sun go down.

A week without complaining
Day 1, take 3 - I am trying again. I've had some trouble with low mood due to not sleeping very well, and that makes things a bit tougher. But I am going to keep on trying (and re-starting!) this goal until I have done it. It's been very interesting to note what I do complain about.

Where did the last week go? I feel like once again I blinked and the whole thing went past

I have to admit, I've been so exhausted by the end of the term chaos that I've not been wanting to look at a screen when I got home. I've been just curling up on the couch and trying to relax.

It was a productive week, work wise though. I got all the grades uploaded onto the system, I invigilated some exams, I talked through dissertation topics, I argued grades etc etc. And now term has ended so I'm working on winding down.

Current plan is relax and enjoy things over Christmas, my birthday and New Year, then once the festivities are over I've got a week to get everything prepared for the new term.

I got home on Friday evening to find Jack & Lucy had decorated for Christmas. It was a magical feeling, coming home to that at the end of a stressful week was perfect. If I'm ever too old to find Christmas decorations to be wondrous, I will be going to find my grave!

We went to see Aquaman which was incredible and if I didn't have enough of a crush on Jason Momoa before hand? <3

I keep getting distracted partway through brewing coffee.

How’s your Sunday going?

I feel like I blinked and it's December. I'm sure the school year just started and now we're winding down for the end of the Autumn semester and into the Christmas recess. I'm not going to lie though, I'm thrilled. I love December. I love Christmas and it's my birthday - not that anyone¹ really remembers it, it's in that awkward period between Christmas and New Year where it feels like you've fallen into a fissure in the space time continuum.

I'm very much looking forward to a couple of weeks of no classes, no students and spending quality time with Jack and Lucy. We've got no solid plans other than going to see Aquaman, and a board games afternoon. I'd like to get in some yoga and zumba classes at the gym as well.

Also, in December, I'm going to two Cardiff Blues matches - on the 15th and 21st. I don't get to go to actual matches in person often enough so I'm looking forward to that.

I'm sure other plans will fall into place as the month goes on. Mostly, though, I'm looking forward to relaxing with my family and enjoying the festive season

^{1 Jack, Lucy, Dad and my brother remember. Sometimes my niece and nephew too, although somehow they manage to forget that their father and I are twins and share a birthday...}

I thought it was supposed to be my students that caught the Fresher's Flu, not me. I've been feeling pretty crap all week though I'm pretty sure it's actually just a cold - fever, aches, chills, coughing, sneezing, throat full of razorblades. Saying Freshers Flu just makes it sound more dramatic

Freshers Flu, is, however, an actual affliction that first year university students get. Similar symptoms to a cold or the flu generally caused by large numbers of students from all over the place, including world wide, all arriving in the same place and bringing all their own germs and immunity needing to be built up. Combine that with the often unhealthy diet and large amounts of alcohol consumed during the first couple of weeks. AND they psychological effects of leaving home, homesickness, stress, making new friends, learning to be independent. Wham, a teenagers immune system buckles under the strain and they fall victim to Freshers Flu.

Frustratingly, it's been a week with a lot of fun things to talk about and no energy after finishing schoolwork to come online. I didn't even go to the cinema with Jack and Lucy to see Venom this weekend.

You see, the start of the new school year is one of my favourite times. It's a time filled with excitement and promise and new beginnings and new ideas. Rooms and halls filled with new friendships, new relationships, and, with Donna Strickland winning the Nobel Prize in Physics, so many young women filled with a sense of what could be which makes me excited to have them in my classroom. The conversations that buzz around are about why they're studying astrophysics and what they want from it. I love all the discussions filled with wonder, with purpose, with determination. I love that there are young women who believe they can accomplish something in the world of physics.

When they ask me what I want, I give them a standard answer about helping them become the best possible scientists they can, helping them achieve their potential.

what do I really want?
A horse!

I cannot find an autumn or Halloween theme I like for this journal and it's making me pretty grumpy, if I'm honest. I'm also grumpy because I was late to bed but then up in the right and awake ridiculously early with night sweats... took a shower to cool down and of course, was then wide awake. This perimenopause can do one! I've had a semi-productive morning, even if I can't find a theme. A couple of hours of cuddling the cats, reading, updating my goodreads, listening to music and futzing around online and discovering some new websites to explore.

Of course, just as Jack and Lucy are waking up, I'm ready to go back to bed for a few more hours sleep. I think we'll have breakfast and then see how I feel on the bed situation.

Lazy Sundays with Jack and Lucy are some of my favourites. The funk of mild depression I've been having the last few weeks has lifted and I feel like I've properly enjoyed myself for the first time in... a few months.

The morning was spent in bed, both sleeping and playing (details available upon request), followed by lunch out a local carvery. We ate far too much food before coming home and spending the afternoon in a blanket pile playing Cards Against Humanity. Some beers were drunk, some joints were smoked and the afternoon passed blissfully.

The munchies gave cause to some baking. Rocky Road cupcakes, currently sitting on the counter cooling. Chocolate cupcakes with a little hidden marshmallow centre. I'll wait to decorate them when I'm a little more in control of all my faculties but the plan is chocolate buttercream icing, mini marshmallows and sprinkles.
I'll share the recipe if anyone's interested?

Jack and Lucy are making some dinner - we're being very adult and having cheese omelette, baked beans and sausages because between us, that's what we wanted. Ah the dinners of the old and inebriated!

The plan for this evening is watching some Legends Of Tomorrow and imagining a threesome with Snart & Sara but while I'm waiting for food to apear, I'm going to post a little Geek Girl Meme that I copied from somewhere on the internet but forgot to note down where from. Sorry. If I stole this from you, please let me know!

1. What is your must-have tech gadget? It has to be my phone. I can organise my life from this baby - calendar, emails, notes. I can listen to music, play games, watch tv. What can't I do with my phone? It even makes phone calls!
2. Which house do you belong to in Hogwarts? Slytherin.
3. Who is your favorite Doctor? This is such a hard character. I have three main favourites - Jon Pertween, Tom Baker and David Tennant. I suppose if I had to pick just one, it'd be... um.. Four. Tom Baker.
4. If you could have dinner with any fictional character, who would it be? Trying not to be very shallow and pick someone just because they're pretty. I think General Leia Organa Solo would be an incredible woman to sit down and talk with. She's been through so much, lost so much yet she's still this strong, powerful, FORCE of a woman.
5. What is your gaming system of choice? I'm not a gamer.
6. If you had a super power, what would it be? Teleportation
7. What is your favorite fantasy world? The United Federation Of Planets
8. If you could be any fictional race, what would you be? a Tolkien elf
9. Star Trek or Star Wars? Yes. Don't make me choose, I love both. I grew up with both. I love them.
10. List your top 5 geektastic movies or TV Series.Doctor Who
Star Trek
Star Wars
Marvel Cinematic Universe
DC movies/shows
11. List your top 5 favorite video games. I'm still not a gamer.

Right here's food. Time to rearrange and dig in. Enjoy your evening!