Sam (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
quantumcupcakes) wrote2019-03-30 06:17 pm
quantumcupcakes) wrote2019-03-30 06:17 pm
Entry tags:
A Day At A Time
Things are getting back to what resembles normal in my life. I'm starting to feel like myself - the pain of grief is easing, the fog of depression is lifting and living is becoming easier. A day at a time. I'm still taking anti-depressants, I'm still seeing a grief counselor and I'm not going back to work this school year - I'm still signed off by my doctor but discussions have been had and all being well, I'm going back in September.
It's nice, actually, to be spending so much time with Jack and Lucy. I don't think we've ever spent this much time together as a threesome and despite the rather sombre reason for it, we're all really enjoying it. I can honestly say I think I love them more than ever. It's taken a while to find the groove but we're finding a routine and a rhythm - although it does somewhat feel like I've slotted into theirs. I'm also aware that's not a healthy thought pattern and that I know I'm not intruding - this is our life. Hey, this whole CBT thing works.
I'm not back into my usual gym etc routine but have been spending more time at home, other than going to my counseling sessions and our date nights. I'm not quite ready for all that, I don't have a full diary of plans but I'm taking things one day at a time... having plans is feeling a little overwhelming. Things that are planned can go wrong. Again, that's something I can work on but I'm focusing on living a day at a time.
I spent time yesterday curled up with the cats, reading a book and listening to music - and I can't tell you how good that felt. I can't remember the last time I had the concentration to be able to do that, had the urge to do something for the simple pleasure of enjoying it. Of course, Jack has to mock my music by asking me what decade I think it is... which is rich coming from someone who typically listens to music from the 1800s! (but even just that teasing felt so normal and right and guilt-free).
Spring as a new beginning may be happening even without me making a conscious effort to make it so.
It's nice, actually, to be spending so much time with Jack and Lucy. I don't think we've ever spent this much time together as a threesome and despite the rather sombre reason for it, we're all really enjoying it. I can honestly say I think I love them more than ever. It's taken a while to find the groove but we're finding a routine and a rhythm - although it does somewhat feel like I've slotted into theirs. I'm also aware that's not a healthy thought pattern and that I know I'm not intruding - this is our life. Hey, this whole CBT thing works.
I'm not back into my usual gym etc routine but have been spending more time at home, other than going to my counseling sessions and our date nights. I'm not quite ready for all that, I don't have a full diary of plans but I'm taking things one day at a time... having plans is feeling a little overwhelming. Things that are planned can go wrong. Again, that's something I can work on but I'm focusing on living a day at a time.
I spent time yesterday curled up with the cats, reading a book and listening to music - and I can't tell you how good that felt. I can't remember the last time I had the concentration to be able to do that, had the urge to do something for the simple pleasure of enjoying it. Of course, Jack has to mock my music by asking me what decade I think it is... which is rich coming from someone who typically listens to music from the 1800s! (but even just that teasing felt so normal and right and guilt-free).
Spring as a new beginning may be happening even without me making a conscious effort to make it so.
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Here's to it continuing!
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